User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery. 2016 vs 1739
My balls dropped ---- 'ANNOUNCER' BOB AND LOYG'S TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLE RAP BATTLES OF BOB AND LOYG'S TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLE RAP BATTLES OF BOB AND LOYG'S TOO SWAGGY TO HANDLE RAP BATTLES OF YEARS 2016 VS 1739! BEGIN! '2016:' You're next on my list of people to kill! '1739:' Okay, look- *2016 kills 1739* '1740:' Look who's come to take his place! The year Enfield, North Carolina was founded! Yeah, that place! I'm the best year in this place! The University of Pennsylvania was founded in me! Yeah, that place! I don't think I'm doing this right place! I'm supposed to say "place" at the end of every line, right place? '2016:' Sorry, I was busy killing 1385 Keep saying place and you won't survive! '1385:' Aaaahhhh! *1385 dies a slow and painful death* '1740:' That made me lose my appetite! Now I can't eat this plaice Wait, fuck '8:' I'm just the letter 8, not a year at all! You might know me from your maths class at school, et al.! '2016 (while killing 1740 with a butterknife):' That was a good verse, but could have been better For example, eight is a number not a letter And although your rhyme was particularly clever Fuck you anyway! Your head I will sever! *2016 proceeds to vigorously attempt to remove 8's head with its butterknife* '1741:' Oh no you didn't! I'm here for vengeance! Because I killed Vivaldi with an internal infection! I'm going to stop this year of Trump's election Like I stopped the alleged New York Slave Insurrection! '2016:' I was the year of pulses, the best there's ever bean! I'll pea on you len-till you're a yellowish green! I cured Ebola when 2015 simply couldn't! And I had Suicide Squad! Prepare to die, puddin'! *2016 kills 1741 with a submachine gun* '1742:' You may have killed my predecessor, but in its wake, Comes 1742! '2016:' Oh, for fuck's sake *2016 systematically murders every year since 1741. Here are some highlights!* '1808:' You were done with these years, or so you thought! But I'm about to outlaw you like slave import! 'The 1841, 1842, and 1843 Bros.:' Nothing happened during us... '1914:' The first World War occurred during my existence! '1918:' And then some shit happened and it ended! Fist this! '1939:' The second World War occurred during MY existence! '1945:' And in the end, Hitler didn't show much resistance! '1957:' And if you think you're that great, remember I shot out Sputnik! Now I'll jut dick, so get on your knees and chut'-lick! '1960:' Well well well, what IS that stench? Could it be years who didn't dive into the Mariana Trench? '1969:' Did you think I was going to make a joke about poon? Nope! Who needs to when you landed on the moon! '1994:' Okay, okay, I know you all tried your best But my year was the year we put apartheid to rest! And two days after Mandela won that fight that he fought Ice hockey became Canada's official Winter sport! 'WAYNE GRETZKY:' This is correct, I have a large nose I am erect, I laugh as Marge blows! '2003:' I pick my booty through methods of ass deduction You've as many disses as Iraq has weapons of mass destruction! That is to say none! '2004:' #conspiracy! 2016, just stop this rampage of tyranny! '2016:' Never! Make me! Oh wait, you can't! '???:' But I know someone who can, you wank... stain. ...Uh-huh! *The mystery year is revealed to be 2017* '2016:' No fucking way! You're so fucking gay! I'll get a double kill with this hoe, fucking yay! *2016 murders 2003 and 2004 with a scythe* '2017:' Excuse me, it was my fucking turn to rap. '2016:' That was very rude of me, sorry, my bad '2017:' Nah, I overreacted. I should be apologising. KIDDING '2016:' :O '2017:' You should be apologising! You done did wrong! You killed off Toblerone, David Bowie, and Leia's mum! I know that doesn't rhyme with our British accents But wait till you get a load of the load my sack sends! You've caused so much misery! Get out! I don't want to see you! You're stinky like the state of the Middle East! Pee-ew! I'll revive the world economy with Pee-ew! Do you get it? When I ditch the EU, I'll get P, like Brexit! That's not to say I supported that cause! I was trying to make a joke! I'm politically neutral of course! Now, if people come together and then learn to get along We can overcome these tragedies and prove that we are strong! So to everybody reading this (yes, all three of you) Let's show this murderous cuntbag who- *2016 murders 2017 by killing him* '2016:' Crap... I killed the future, does this mean That nobody will have plans because of me? I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry! I didn't mean it! I don't blame you if you don't adore me! 'A MAN CALLED RODRIGO ESPAÑA:' I'm from the future, and I have news to deliver 2017's alive, you only stabbed him in the da liver! If we operate now, we'll save all of time! So why am dawdling with this explanatory rhyme? I'll get right to work, for the future is at stake! 2016, pass me the scalpel will you, mate? With this tool, I'll make my incision Fix up the liver, do the stitches and complete my mission! There we go! All finished, now 2016 I know people think you're worst year that's ever been But listen to these things that happened, they'll make you beam Did you know they've created an ebola vaccine? '2016:' Yes, we mentioned that earlier- 'RODRIGO:' Okay, fine, be quiet! They found the gene for ALS thanks to people getting quite wet! Loads of animals are no longer endangered, player! And guess what's repairing itself: the ozone layer! Harriet Tubman's now on the American bank note roster And Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar! So 2016, although many shed a tear You can reinvent yourself as a happy new year! '2016:' This is true! I'm sorry so many people have died But I must drink blood once more before I am satisfied Rodrigo, you're nice, so I can't kill you, clearly So instead, I'm killing this motherfucking series! *2016 brutally and repeatedly stabs Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery in the stomach and face and balls and face until it is lying unmoving on the ground* 'ANNOUNCER:' So although this year was a piece of crap At least there will be no more ridiculous raps 'THE YEAR BITCH:' I still have words to spit! Don't do the outro yet! 'YNKRDLEVIN17:' This is a reference that no one's gonna get! 'ANNOUNCER:' WHO WON? 'THE YEAR BITCH:' What did I just say? 'ANNOUNCER:' WHO'S NEXT? 'THE YEAR BITCH:' You're a cunt! 'ANNOUNCER:' I KNOW 'A JAMAICAN MAN' Happy Kwanzaa! ---- *A cloaked figure approaches the limp body of Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery* *He feels the series' pulse, then cracks a smile* *The series is seen being operated on by a series of sex robots* 'THE CLOAKED MAN:' It shall be revived, Jude Bawdier than ever before *The operating table rises with the series strapped to it* 'JUDE:' It's... erectile, Barry *The series breathes its first revitalised breath* 'BARRY:' I hereby name you... Swandle Season 2 WHO WON? 2016 1739 1740 1385 The letter 8 1741 1742 1808 1841, 1842, and 1843 1914 and 1918 1939 and 1945 1957 1960 1969 1994 Wayne Gretzky 2003 and 2004 2017 Rodrigo España The year Bitch and Ynkr A Jamaican Man Barry, Jude, and Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery Season 2 Category:Blog posts